Have you been somewhere so quiet you could hear your spine and neck muscles move as you turn your neck?

Chopper: "The French like to eat a lot of very fresh food, it's a concept that people here in America don't really have."

Me: "Maybe that's one reason the French typically live longer than Americans."

Chopper: "That's one reason, the other is out of spite."

For some, me included, gifts are mainly a symbol. For others, the substance/object matters more. Can people really say that they value these two aspects of gifts equally? Surely people lean to one side more than the other.

Why would someone who is applying for a job at a respectable financial services company note on their resume that they partook in cannibalism while traveling through Papua New Guinea? If word of that got out and went through the company, no one may want to be near them.

The idea of cannibalism is revolting to me. I'm trying to understand why.

A line I heard sung from the Christmas Carol "Silent Night" -

Holy infant so tender and wild

Why is it that something I found stupid 5 years ago (SNL's Celebrity Jeopardy) cracks me up today? Is it because I've become less sophisticated in my tastes? Or is it because I've become more Americanized and can now appreciate the humor?

It's not because I've recently met someone that has actually been sworn at by Sean Connery. This person unwittingly nearly hit Sean Connery with a golf ball at St. Andrews (Scotland).

A prediction/hope for 2006 - The requirement of authenticity for celebrity success.

In the past one only became famous for their job, achievement or birthright. But for quite a while now many celebrities have earned their status simply by exposure, name recognition and ability to draw attention. Anyone with considerable media attention becomes a celebrity. Some personalities are deeper than others and people will start to care more about this in 2006.

I get this a lot:

"You studied psychology? Do you always analyze people you meet?"

I don't. What's the point? Treating people like academic exercises makes the interaction less human. Besides, you can't accurately determine much about someone without asking personal questions and with observing their behavior on only one occasion.

"Carry a pen, if anyone tries to mug you stab them in the eye."

I tend to always carry a pen. But I think this is rather extreme.

"Happiness is a warm gun" is a song by the Beatles. On the surface, it's a disturbing line. Are they talking about the joy of killing? On a deeper level, with the gun as a metaphor, the line can be quite profound. The instrument or object that leads to happiness is double-edged, for it also carries the potential for loss and suffering. Our joys can also burn us (if we overindulge, for instance).

I'm not sure what they intend the song lyrics to mean. It seems quite random to me.

Movies are often made about animals that are powerful and awe-inspiring. Examples are LION KING, SHARK'S TALE, SEABISCUIT (a horse), FREE WILLY (killer whale), BLACK BEAUTY (horse). There are also a lot of movies about animals that are cute/lovable - BABE (pig), BEETHOVEN (dog), BENJI (dog), etc.

But are there any that star other kinds of animals? How about one with a goat or an antelope? It's interesting how certain animals are more likely to carry storylines for us than others.

I ate an orange that I pulled out of a roast chicken's behind. It tasted good. It was warm, citrusy and slightly bitter.

"How the hell are you so chill about this??"

I'm a pretty calm, centered person.

Why do people like to bare their teeth (aka smile) when they're being photographed? A lot of the time it's contrived: people aren't usually engaged in a conversation or activity just before the photo in which they were smiling. Does their smile show that they are happy?

What I also think is contrived is the "attitude" or "tough-guy" pose. You know what I'm talking about. This, typically, is where the person is frowning a little, with their head leaning back, sometimes to the side, and their eyes not as wide-open as they normally are. What is this really about? Do people have to show they are oppressed and troubled by something? Is it a positive thing that they look intimidating? Are they unhappy? Why do they act so uptight?

If I don't like artificial smiles and tough-guy poses, what do I like? What connects with me? Naturalism. I think people can look a lot more refined, thoughtful, glamorous and majestic in a photograph if they aren't grinning. If it's done right, I find that a lot more attractive. But most people who smile in pictures do it because they (and others) think it makes them look better.

I hardly ever show teeth. My smile is like the Mona Lisa's. Although, when I was a kid I used to grin and make silly faces. I was often told that I "spoiled the photo" - that, too, partially explains my current aversion to showing teeth.

When questioning someone, try not to "stack" them - i.e. ask multiple questions at the same time. The person you're talking to may not answer all of them and you may miss valuable information.

When asserting, don't include a parenthetical statement in the middle of any sentence. The focus on what you say either side of the parenthetical statement will be less and thus the power of what you're trying to assert diminishes.

After hearing some good news a Sean Paul song kept playing in my head. I don't know why. I don't even like Sean Paul.

CS Lewis' favorite argument for the truth of Christianity:
Either Jesus had to be crazy to say the things he did or what he said must be true, and since he doesn't sound like someone who is crazy, he must be right.

The only people who say money doesn't matter are the ones that have more than they'll ever need. This applies to the ultra-rich and to hermits.

You can't make the rain fall by looking up at the sky. It rains when it's time. And when it rains, it pours.

Excuse me, are you a parking ticket? Because you have FINE written all over you!

"What the eye sees disappears with a blink or a wandering puff of breath. Where there was light the eye, denied, sees nothing. What the soul sees cannot be denied."
- Master Kan from Kung Fu

What I take the "soul" to mean is our inner feelings and intuition. I don't believe in a soul-body dichotomy.

The thought keeps rising to the top of my mind like a bubble: where will I go?

I'm not taking the beaten path, I'm bushwhacking with a machete. Constituting my own alternatives, I only have a general idea where I'm going.

Buttered mashed potatoes. A most peculiar scent for a candle.

Ever had a "we're not in Kansas anymore" feeling? I had it at a ridiculously nice office.

Nothing that was ever something dies.

I'm really glad I have an electric kettle. There are, of course, ways to heat water without one. However, in my rampant recent use of it I've developed an emotional attachment. I don't think about any other appliance or possession in the same way. I like fridges too, but I'm not so fond of mine.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

I really don't like the term "people of color".

White is a color. Ask a physicist and they'll tell you that white is actually all the colors together. In fact, black is what we see when something is devoid of color.

Furthermore, "people of color" is not an appropriate term because white people tend to change their color a lot! They go red in the sun or when they're embarrassed, blue when it's cold, green when they have certain sicknesses, etc. Also, I know a lot of "white" people who have skin darker than me.

Using "people of color" to refer to people that aren't "white" encourages an us-versus-them orientation, which isn't positive. Don't lump "people of color" together and separate them from Caucasians. If you are writing about different ethnic groups, please give each the dignity it deserves and name/address each group.

Am I too sensitive? I just want "white" authors to be aware of these points.

"A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner."
- English Proverb

When the chance of an event happening is one in a million and it happens, is it fate/destiny? It feels so.

I haven't worn a costume for Halloween in a few years. I've just decided to dress up as Alex from Kubrick's "A Clockwork Orange" (1971). I've never actually seen someone dress up as a character from this film. It's a powerful, shocking, profound and controversial film (which was banned in some countries when it was released). I hope no one assumes I'm ready for "a bit of the old ultraviolence." I wonder if I'll hear any Ludwig Van this weekend. Except for the eye makeup I already have everything I need for this costume.

"Forever" is a word for children and idealists.

The tallest candle will burn to an end. The walls of a building don't usually last a thousand years.

It's undeniable...

During one of my last flights I was thinking about a scenario (which may likely have had something to do with the fact there was some bad turbulence).

Imagine you are on a plane that was going to crash and the pilot announced that there are 5 parachutes on board. What would you do? Would there be a process for deciding who gets to use them? Is there any kind of policy that is completely fair and rational? Who gets priority? Would you fight for one?

My views about this are quite dark, I don't really want to publish them.

"Killing young men makes heaven more beautiful."

- from Danger Man, a play my friend was in

Here's a new way of looking at our age -
We are all between 7 and 10 years old.

Our cells keep renewing. If you pick a random cell in your body it's most likely between 7 and 10 years old.

"Be my son in the next birth."

Truth is stranger than fiction.

"When you are loved, you can do anything in creation. When you are loved, there's no need at all to understand what's happening, because everything happens within you, and even men can turn themselves into wind."

- Santiago in The Alchemist

"That's a really ugly cat."

"... it's a dog."

I was told that only 3% of arranged marriages fail. What does it mean when a marriage fails though? When it ends in divorce? I think a marriage can fail much before a divorce happens, and before divorce even enters the picture. There can be many dysfunctional, maladaptive relationships. For example, someone can be dependent on and clinging to an abusive or adulterous spouse.

If marriages can fail before divorce enters the picture, then it's not possible to gauge whether arranged marriages are more "successful" than love marriages. Comparing the efficacy of both types of marriage is meaningless.

Most items of clothing have a label with washing instructions. Do you own any items that have funny instructions? This was on the label of one of my t-shirts -

Hand wash separately in bucket. Use gentle suds. Do not beat the sh** out of the garment. Beware of "Dhobi". Never iron directly on plastic prints. Buy more Tantra... support hungry artists.

I asked around and found out that a dhobi is an Indian washman. He's like a laundromat. You give your clothes to him, but instead of using machines he beats the clothes on rocks to wash and dry them. The image just cracks me up...

Isn't it tragic to see a job ad for an "entry level" position and read that they are looking for someone with at least 10 years of work experience?

I'm facing a lot of "glass doors" (my personal spin on the idea of "glass ceilings").

"Submission" is the literal translation of "Islam"

The pleasure of a dream is the fantasy. If it happens, it was never a dream.

Why do many people treat their dreams as goals? Dreams are fleeting and should elude us.

The best goals are SMART goals - Specific, Measurable, Ambitious, Realistic and with Time-boundaries. I believe a dream runs counter to these principles, with maybe the exception of ambitious.

The Ancient Mayans chewed a sapota tree resin called chicle, which is the basis for modern chewing gum.

Only birds fly first class.

Is crisis an opportunity for growth,
or is growth an opportunity for crisis?

There is a show called "Bo-bo-bo bo bo bo-bo"... doesn't that sound ridiculous? "Bobo" means stupid in Tagalog. The show is Japanese.

Decay is inherent in all compound things. Work out your salvation with diligence. Enjoy the Nutella.

- Wisdom I recently received

Hiding from someone inside a closet. Crawling through pipes coated in tomato sauce. Emerging in a chamber called a "pestillery" containing insects, multi-headed turtles, and small monkeys and tapirs with bright, waxy fur (which were for sale).

A fragment of one of my dreams. A glimpse into one of my many alternate lives.

Looking for the hay in the needlestack.

How come the dove gets to be the symbol of peace? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove and doesn't have that dangerous beak.
- Jack Handy

I think a pillow doesn't look as inspiring as a dove in flight. Seeing a pillow might just inspire people to sleep. Also... the secondary use of pillows is for pillow-fights.

A man traveling across a field encountered a tiger. He fled, the tiger after him. Coming to a precipice, he caught hold of the root of a wild vine and swung himself over the edge.

The tiger sniffed at him from above. Trembling, the man looked down to where, far below, another tiger was waiting to eat him. Only the vine sustained him.

Two mice, one white and one black, little by little started to gnaw away the vine. The man then saw a luscious strawberry near him. Grasping the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other.

How sweet it tasted.

Zen Poem

A recent study has indicated that 40 percent of nine- and ten-year old girls claim to be on a diet. Like adults, kids have food fads that come in and out, and sometimes they may be "on a diet" simply to imitate something they see on TV or at home. (From abcnews.com)

While they may not actually be dieting... I find the very fact that they say they are quite alarming. I don't think it's a healthy mentality. Health should revolve around an active lifestyle and balancing the foods we eat - not dieting/deprivation. As long as they're eating a variety of foods to get all the necessary nutrients, and they aren't obese, kids so young don't need to worry about their food intake.

I keep hearing negative trends among the youth. Girls are wearing makeup at progressively younger ages. Younger and younger children are trying cigarettes and drugs. Are there any positive trends? Is ANYTHING getting better? What about transmission of AIDS? If someone can console me, please do.

One of the gravest and most profound things that has ever been said to me, slightly paraphrased -

I had a strange sensation to hug you, as if you were dying or something. I wanted to hug you and never let go in fear I might not see you again.

I feel somewhat sorry for anyone living in the USA named Katrina. And for anyone who lives here that was born on September 11th. Connotations are almost always out of our control.

You and I are like the candle and the flame. Separate, yet linked.

A piece of paper was sticking through my door when I got home. I unfolded and scanned it. The heading read "Hearing" and I thought to myself, do I have to go to court for something? Upon looking at it again, it actually read "Healing"... it was a religious document.

I liked the language and what it was saying until it started proposing that the cause of my present situation/predicament is sin. Whose sin? Not mine. Relatively speaking, I'm very decent. I think the Hindus have a better argument: your problems are because of your bad karma in this OR previous lives. At least that way I can't refute how deserving I am of my challenges. But all this reasoning seems so empty or circular. I prefer to believe that situations and conditions we face that we aren't directly responsible for are arbitrary and/or the result of powers out of our control (which we can identify if we ponder them). That makes more sense to me.

Here's an example. Why does one person develop cancer while another one doesn't? There's probably a genetic component, which is something out of their control. They didn't choose which family to be born into. Then there were certain things in their environment which could have triggered other components - diet, stress, the quality of air and water, exposure to radiation, etc. While these things can be controlled, largely they aren't moderated much. Do we really bother to control what's in the air we breathe and the water we drink? If two people are exposed to the same environmental factors and one develops cancer while the other one doesn't... doesn't it show that the onset is pretty arbitrary and/or out of our control?

I think sin and karma are useful tools for people to help explain problems and difficulties. The concepts provide a solid answer, a certain reason for suffering. Something for people to hold onto and work from. I think the belief that there's no underlying reason for suffering makes people uncomfortable. By accepting that suffering is due to our sin or karma, it allows us to disown a lot of the anxiety.

Someone older and close to me said that it's good to have an image of the person you are looking for as your partner/companion. That way, you have something to be attracted to when you see them, something that will beckon you to them and them to you (since you're sending that energy out to them).

Last night in a dream I visited the room of the person who gave me this advice. Through a mirror I saw a framed portrait of the image of the man she was looking for. I turned my head and approached this portrait. It looked like it was done by Picasso! It was rather abstract, and had a red background. To make things more bizarre... it was actually a completed jigsaw puzzle!

I guess this means we can have some general ideas of who we want to be with. But the truth is that the person will always be more complex and multi-layered than our ideas. Our ideas are doomed to be ephemeral, since we cannot really control or create characteristics of the people we meet. People will always exceed our impressions of them, in ways that may or may not be desirable.

I was cooking a couple of pieces of chicken in my wok-pan. I tested how much longer I needed to cook them by cutting into one. Blood squirted out. It was no ordinary squirt... It sprayed across my stove and the wall of my kitchen! For a second I thought of the gratuitous amounts of pressurized fake blood spraying in the "Kill Bill" films. I've cut into chicken as it was cooking before and have seen small amounts of blood seep out. You wouldn't think that something dead would have blood pressurized! I figure it's because the pan was very hot.

Too much potassium will make your eyes twitch.

"Don't search for the answers. Love the questions. Live the questions. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."

- R.M. Rilke, Paraphrased from Letters to a Young Poet, 1903

"If you keep knocking on the Devil's door long enough, somebody's gonna answer you."

- from Four Brothers

Do you know someone who can hold a dime in their dimple? I do.

The comment on a picture of me in a rasta cap with fake dreadlocks -

"You look so gay."

To influence someone is to give them your soul. They don't think their natural thoughts or burn with their natural passions. Their virtues aren't real, their sins are borrowed. They become an echo of someone else's music.

------

Beauty is higher than genius because it needs no explanation.

------

We have few years to live perfectly, fully. The world belongs to us for a season. Don't waste youth. Later we degenerate, and are haunted by memory of passions we were afraid of and temptations we didn't have the courage to yield to.

------

Good resolutions are useless attempts to interfere with scientific laws. Their origin is pure vanity. Their result is absolutely nil. They give us, now and then, some of the luxurious sterile emotions that have a certain charm for the weak.


Some thoughts from "The Picture of Dorian Gray"

Everything is colorful in Barbados.
Even the bird droppings.
They are orange.

Do you know what "walking the dog" is? Barbadians riding in public vans often yell at the driver to "wok d dog". While the van is moving the driver puts the van in neutral, gets out and jogs alongside the van. Isn't that nuts?! If the van starts veering into a ditch or the other lane the driver will stick their hand through the window and give the wheel a tap.

The sky was partially green.

I've been swimming in a golden ocean. I don't mean that metaphorically.

I sit and wait for the tide to change.

More frail than petals
Scattered by the wind
I bid a last farewell and leave the spring behind

- Lord Asano, The 47 Ronin

I dreamt of wearing a suit made of green mango skins to a wedding in Japan.

Fashion designers throughout human history have made clothing with animal skins and pelts. What about wearing clothing made from fruit or vegetables (other than coconut bras)? I'm sure they could be treated with chemicals to preserve them. Perhaps they could be coated in plastic or rubber. I wonder what it'd be like to wear pineapple pants. I like how pineapples look (and taste).

Marriage is an anagram for a grim era.

Picnics rule.

On the surface, every woman wants to be with James Bond, and every man wants to be him. But I don't. He has no friends.

Is it ever worth playing with fire?

I heard a small child call a fire hydrant on my street a "water machine". This isn't surprising at all. I suspect it's never been used to put out a fire. It just sprays water out onto the street for about 8 hours a day. I don't know who turns it on, but the Environmental Protection Department come around in the evenings to turn it off. Yes it's hot here, but I don't think fire hydrants are effective as street coolers. I think it's a terrible waste of fresh water and electricity (to power the pumps for the pressure).

It's so hot that salt patches have formed on some of the clothes I've worn recently. I'm assuming it's salt from my sweat. I haven't actually tasted it.

See the animal in it's cage that you built
Are you sure what side you're on
Better not look him too closely in the eye
Are you sure what side of the glass you are on
See the safety of the life you have built
Everything where it belongs
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart
And it's all
Right where it belongs

What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems
What if all the world you think you know
Is an elaborate dream
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you wanted to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?

What if all the world's inside of your heart
Just creations of your own
Your devils and your gods
All the living and the dead
And you really are alone
You can live in this illusion
You can choose to believe
You keep looking but you can't find the words
Are you hiding in the dreams?


- from "Right Where It Belongs" by Nine Inch Nails

How did baggy pants get to be a fashion item? They emerged in the 90s as a result of the hip hop and/or skateboard industry. I learned that in prisons inmates aren't allowed to wear belts so their pants tend to sag. So were people copying prison chic?

Actually, baggy pants aren't a relatively new thing. They are part of traditional Japanese clothing - they're called hakama. Hakama are quite practical as footwork and stances of martial artists are disguised. I'm sure people of other cultures also routinely wear baggy pants.

The beast who loses its fangs has to die. Or does it?

Many people are terrified of being attacked by a shark. Worldwide, they kill about 6 people annually. What about people's fear of being pulled out to sea by rip currents? Over 100 drown from them annually - and that's just in the United States.

How to survive? Relax and try to swim parallel to the beach to get out of the current. If that doesn't work just wait till it stops dragging you out and swim back. Hopefully it won't drag you too far out. Wouldn't it suck if you were attacked by a shark then?! What are the chances of that?

Maybe one day I'll write about how I evaded a shark attack.

I'm a junkie for things that are gloriously futile.

Why is it said that good things come to those who wait? Is there truth in that?

Lincoln said, "Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle."

Should I hustle or be patient? The answer is both, isn't it?

What is indulgence for you? Do you satisfy your whims or cravings? Do you buy expensive things or engage in irresponsible or outrageous behavior? It's interesting, and often sad, how one person's indulgence can be another's staple.

Someone gave birth on the train I was riding tonight. I wonder if the baby will be called "86th Street"...

I need to stop myself from pointing at buildings. People may get the wrong idea.

"Why is your remote covered in plastic?"
"I think it's an Indian thing."

I must have engaged in this dialogue at least five times.

I have a bottle of deodorant that was unconsciously named "Russel Crowe"... For some reason whenever I look at it or use it I think of his name. I don't know why or how it started. Most likely it is because they are both from Australia.

I experienced paparazzi today. I was photographed by strangers.

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be the blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

- J.R.R. Tolkien

Damned if I do, damned if I don't

"A master in the art of living draws no sharp distinction between his work and his play; his labor and his leisure; his mind and his body; his education and his recreation. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence through whatever he is doing, and leaves others to determine whether he is working or playing. To himself, he always appears to be doing both."

- Francoise Rene Auguste Chateaubriand

Who should be held liable for loss in cases of credit card fraud if the merchandise cannot be recovered and returned back to stores? In cases where purchases are made online or over the phone, usually the retailer has to suffer the loss. This makes me question who the real victims of identity theft are.

"Your daily life is your temple and religion."

- Kahlil Gibran

Captain Renault: What in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca?
Rick: My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters.
Captain Renault: The waters? What waters? We're in the desert.
Rick: [nonchalantly] I was misinformed.

Why do I feel this exchange is analogous to the story of my life?

There is a light and dark side to everything. Swords have the capacity for killing, but I have a set that is decorative. Have you ever thought about innocuous things carrying the capacity for pain and death? Even something seemingly harmless, like a grain of rice can be calamitous. I accidentally inhaled a grain as I was eating lunch, and I had one of the worst coughing fits of my life! When I thought I coughed it out, I took a deep breath... and it went back into my windpipe! I started wondering if anyone has ever been killed by a grain of rice...

I think I'll start to write a play about this topic.

The most precious jewels aren't the ones found under the ground that are cut and polished. They are the glistening gems produced from the eyes, made by our hearts.

I'm sad you've left, and I'll miss you. But, the world is a small place.

The NPD Group, which researches trends in the fashion industry, has some interesting statistics. In 1985 only 25 percent of all men's apparel were bought by men, while 75 percent were bought by women for men. By 1998 men were buying 52 percent of apparel; in 2004 that number grew to 69 percent. Something has drastically changed in society. Other than responding to changes in technology, what other behaviors have changed so much in the last 20 years?

Watch "Beijing Bicycle" (2001) - you may never think of bicycles in the same way again.

I've been reading about a fascinating subject, but I'm uncertain whether I should continue to delve deeper into it. It seems dangerous. No, it's not about building bombs. I'm not going to say what the subject is, but it holds potential for tremendous emotional distress. And no, it's not anything illegal.

I'm giddy. It's funny when lightning strikes after you think there's no chance of a storm. I, of course, am not speaking literally.

Be very careful of your use of the term autopilot, especially when describing your behaviors.

Have you ever met and got to know a phoenix? I have. More than once. Exquisitely beautiful and profound, but they're on fire so periodically you get burned. It's hard to hold them.

Dreams (that occur while asleep, or dream-like encounters in life) are special mostly because they end, and very rarely can we revisit them. We should be grateful for the few moments we were fully engaged in them. Beauty and the sublime slip away. Maybe another sort will surface in the future. The wait, the longing, makes the resurface more exciting. But we should be careful not to read dream-like encounters or circumstances as real-life fairytales.

"Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity."

- Horace Mann

I shout LOVE in a land muttering slack damnation
as I would in a blizzards blow
staggering stung by snowfire in the numbing tongues of cold
for my heart's a funny sharp-footed thing
that charges out whimpering
even when pain cries the sign writ on it
- Milton Acorn

Three small boys were running around on a lawn, shooting and blowing each other up with imaginary weapons. I'm sure they were all around two years old. It was cute, but I was a little disturbed. I don't think children that young should be aware of such violent things. My mother, who was beside me, mentioned that I had all sorts of toy guns when I was young. But, did I have them when I was two?

A tag on a shirt of mine says "100% cotton" even though it's 100% polyester.

While you walk from point A to point B try to do part of the route with your eyes closed. If your journey involves stairs, edges, walls or other obstacles, have a peek every 5 or so seconds. This can be quite challenging, but it makes your walk a WHOLE lot more interesting. I was doing this for a while today. I suspect that practicing this often will improve coordination and balance. You'll also probably get very good at estimating how many steps it takes to get to certain points. Watch out for other pedestrians though!

I'm inside an invisible cage. I'm going to try to step outside right now... let's see what happens. If I get burned, I'm going to run back in.

"The only normal people are the ones that you don't know well."

- Oscar Wilde

Perpetually confronting and processing experiences, thoughts and dreams. Been typing up and getting rid of many sheets of notes.

On my trip I spent one night in a room with an elderly relative of mine. She snored quite loudly that night, and consequently I stayed in the living room the rest of the trip.

It's rather inconsiderate for people who snore not to tell you about it when they're sharing a room with you. I stayed at a hostel once where a considerate snorer bought earplugs for everyone in the room (there were six to a room).

I wonder if snoring provides an evolutionary advantage to the individual. Surely predators can find you more easily! On the other hand, snoring loudly may ensure that members of your group won't forget about you if they decide to move at night.

"I become the fire of life which is in all things that breathe."

- Mahabharata

A four year-old girl asked my mother if she could trade me for her one year-old brother. How touching.

Ice melts in its own water.

I don't go to stores that sell televisions often, but at one I overheard a woman asking her dog if it wanted a flat-screen TV.

I'm constantly amazed at what I see and hear in this city!

When your mother wants to clean your roommate's room is she taking things a bit too far?

Cocktail rather than mutt
Journey rather than commute
Spring cleaning rather than just cleaning

The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy)
--------------------------------------------

Slow down, you move too fast.
You got to make the mornin' last.
Just kickin' down the cobblestones,
Lookin' for fun and feelin' groovy.
Ba da da da da da da, feelin' groovy.

Hello, lamppost, whatcha knowin'?
I come to watch your flowers growin'.
Ain'tcha got no rhymes for me?
Doo it doo doo, feelin' groovy.
Ba da da da da da da, feelin' groovy.

I got no deeds to do, no promises to keep.
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
Let the morningtime drop all it's petals on me
Life, I love you, all is groovy!
Ba da da da da da da ba bap a dee...

I'm being haunted by the desire for something I don't have, something I used to have. How can I actively reduce my desire? According to Oscar Wilde, "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it." However, temptation and desire aren't quite the same thing. They aren't synonyms. I think desire is deeper and more internal than temptation. A temptation is always ascribed to an external object, whereas a desire may have no physical manifestation.

Should I really try to combat this desire? Looking at the issue from the other side, trying to quell this desire will rob me of the richness of my life experience. Without challenge or struggle, life is less interesting and less meaningful. I'm not, however, advocating total masochism. Some challenge, some gnawing inside keeps things meaningful.

Infatuation and obsessions with people aren't just for the young.

However, as we mature I think we lose some of the idealism around people and the permanence of feelings and circumstances. I could be wrong though, chances are I'm disillusioned right now.

An idea I had for users of public transport (which came to me while waiting for public transport):

Have GPS locators in busses, subway trains etc. and have that information on cell phones or PDAs. We can see if our bus/train is close by or if we just missed it. This way, people will know if they can walk leisurely to their bus stop or subway station, or if they need to haul ass.

This could radically shift pedestrian habits in New York City. People may slow down a little.

None, white, yellow, orange, green, red, brown...

Enter the black belt!

Limping for now.

Marginalization - being outside, not being accepted.
Mattering - being needed, bringing value.

Mattering is very important in this society. There are both internal and external indicators, but how do we really know that we matter? How do we know that we matter as much as we want to matter?

What's more important to you, being happy or being right/just/good? These are by no means mutually exclusive, but often there isn't an overlap.

[Beside a fruit and vegetable cart on Broadway and 109th]

"Hey man, can you help me out? I'm starving. Can you buy me two tomatoes... and some garlic? I'm starving."

If I was starving and had or could beg for a few dollars, I'd buy a bag of rice or some bread. I could be wrong, but I don't think garlic is typically desired or consumed by starving people.

We really are social, communal beings. Activities which can be fully appreciated solitarily rarely are appreciated solitarily. Examples are watching a movie, going to the theater, going for a concert, and dining at a restaurant. People hardly ever do these things by themselves. It's somewhat ironic. If we intend to be fully absorbed in a movie, does it make a difference if our friends are with us? It's almost a social necessity not to enjoy these things alone. I've seen films on my own when I've been traveling by myself. In spite of that, and my realizations of not needing others to experience things, I still tend to make negative attributions when I see someone sitting down in a cinema by themselves. I wonder if they have no or few friends. I wonder if they have no love-life. I'm being rational and irrational at the same time. But then, I already know that this world is full of absurdities.

Is today "Julia Stiles Day"?

I walked past her on campus, barely recognizing her. On my way home, without deliberately looking at the magazines at the newsstand, I saw her on the cover of Bazaar. The first-person image and the magazine image are very different. It's amazing what makeup, a hairdresser, lighting and airbrushing can do. In person, she looked like the average student, she didn't have a celebrity-aura. Al Pacino did when I saw him - but he's in another league.

Two yolks emerged from an egg I cracked. Is there a meaning behind it, is it a sign? My mom thinks so. Personally, I was slightly put off... It made me think that the egg came from a genetically-engineered, hormone-pumped hen. The Chinese view yolks positively. They are somewhat golden, so they could symbolize wealth or fortune. They are also round, and also symbolize the moon (e.g. in moon cakes). I could interpret this as meaning fortune is heading my way. I'm actually expecting a hefty direct-deposit (aka. paycheck) in the next few days. It'll be double the usual amount, because the last one didn't come through.

Sunday afternoon. I thought I saw some chocolate on my face near my mouth when I looked at my mirror, for I had just eaten several pieces of chocolate. I couldn't wipe it off. It was actually bruising from my fight the day before. Chocolate and bruises... though similar in color, almost opposite in the feelings and sensations they invoke. I don't think many other people have confused the two.

I think I'd win best film at Cannes if my recent dreams were made into movies.

Today I considered my life from the perspective of a monkey. To do that more authentically, I tried to embody the spirit of a monkey, which involved moving around like one. It was invigorating. I learned a few things I could apply to my life.

Like me, you've probably multi-tasked while on the phone. While talking or listening, you've probably organized some stuff at your desk, taken stuff out of your bag, etc. I experienced something unusual today while I was on the phone...

Have you ever wondered where your phone was, while you were using it?

Today I found out that I'm credited with starting a club at my undergraduate college - the Hong Kong Club. Years ago I planned and held some events for fun. The group has become official now, with elections, a constitution and all. This is somewhat of an honor, although an unexpected one.

I am and have been part of a lot of student organizations. If I was to list them you may have to scroll down quite a bit to get to the end. At this point I feel like mentioning just one: ALAS, which stands for the Anglo-Saxon Literature Appreciation Society. Would you have guessed I was in a group like that?

"One day in retrospect the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful."
- Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)

What if I know this already? What will I be struck with in the future?

It's not fair... I shouldn't get a paper cut from CARD!!!

Changing the topic completely, have you ever got a letter that had "The United States of America" as the letterhead? Yes, I got something very official today. It's a receipt notice for my application for employment authorization.

In high school a teacher of mine gave me an award at the end of the school year for being the Oracle. I got "The Book of Useless Facts" - which was blank and was for me to fill up.

Last night there was possible evidence of possessing another trait of Oracles - being able to see into the future. I dreamt that I received feedback (comments and a grade) on a paper that I have yet to submit. I tried hard to remember the comments, so that I could make some adjustments before I submit it. Unfortunately, I don't recall any specific comments, but I do recall where the comments were in the paper and some general themes.

I don't actually believe I saw into the future. I like to think I did... I think most of us would like to have some supernatural powers. I'm sure my mind was playing tricks on me, it was just a dream. Or maybe, I'm developing a dissociative identity disorder, and an alter-ego marked the paper for me... ;)

"Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there."
- Otomo No Yakamochi

Quite mystical. I completely understand the sentiment and am in agreement with it right now. However, at all other times I tend to believe the opposite, expressed familiarly by Alfred Lord Tennyson -

"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

My skills at adapting and fitting in to different social environments was affirmed today. Someone at work said that she considers me one of her "girlfriends" (Disclaimer: She said this is not because I'm girly, but because I listen and share well, and I'm close).

Is there a snack food better than otsumami?

The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long

"There is a need in all of us to have a place to hide or store certain memories, thoughts, impulses, hopes and dreams. These are part of our lives that we can't resolve or best not act upon but at the same time we are afraid to jettison them. For some, this is a physical place; for others, it is a mental space, and for a few it is neither."

- Wong Kar Wai, filmmaker (sounding like a psychologist)

It was brought up in one of the short plays I saw last night that love and crime are very similar. They're both enticing, but they both carry risk. If one messes up in love or crime, they're worse off than when they started. No matter how much you plan and no matter how you act/behave, there is no perfect crime/relationship. There is always risk of getting caught or getting hurt, always things out of your control.

The language that people sometimes use in the workplace is very imaginative and colorful. Do you know what it means when someone "doesn't like to hang out their laundry?" Do you know what a "straw man" is?

I think it's interesting that people schedule meetings around coffee; that they make plans to drink it. I try to avoid coffee, but still understand the convention to say, "let's go get a coffee."

I've found a way to counteract the difficulties of getting up, getting ready and leaving my apartment early in the morning. Interestingly, I haven't been challenged with this since I was in high school. I'm not sure what my solution was then, or if I had one.

Instead of thinking "I'm so tired" and having that thought swimming around my head, "I feel so peaceful" is the mantra that flows. It's uplifting. Also, I remind myself that traveling early in the morning is quieter and the streets and public transport is far less crowded.

As of April 5th, my blog is 3 years old. I actually missed the anniversary/birthday and am posting this a few days after it (I'm able to alter the time and date of the post). I made some really profound comments last year about the principles behind this blog. It felt like I did that just the other day. It's very cliche when people say time flies... but, I have to say that it really feels like it has (when I think about my blog). When I think about the rest of my life, a lot has changed actually. It's interesting how there's this discrepancy, that time doesn't seem to pass as slowly in a blog. I suppose, however, that if I read over every post from the last year that might change...

It's quite humorous that someone who works where I do (at a financial services firm) considers their child a "long-term investment"...

He was a writer. He thought he wrote about the future but it really was the past. In his novel, a mysterious train left for 2046 every once in a while. Everyone who went there had the same intention ... to recapture their lost memories.

It was said that in 2046, nothing ever changed. Nobody knew for sure if it was true, because nobody who went there had ever come back - except for one. He was there. He chose to leave. He wanted to change.

[Synopsis of 2046]

Riding the subway makes me want to laugh at times. This morning I was riding without holding anything, and when the train jerked, a woman who was holding a pole almost fell on me.

I love to eat seaweed. Swimming with it isn't as pleasant.

Adding insult to injury -

Last night I heard a man telling a homeless guy who was sitting on the street that he was a "disgrace to the country."

The video game industry rakes in over $10 billion every year. That's more than Hollywood does. Also interesting is that the average age of gamers is 29. Many games these days have adult subject matter.

The American Pet Products Manufacturers Association has said that the annual US spending on pets amounts to $34 billion. That's more than the GDP of many countries. Wow. Bow wow.

A lot of things change after a week and a half of travelling. When we aren't travelling the change happens so gradually we barely notice it.

When was the last time you went somewhere with your sweater on backwards?

I think that pennies should be taken out of circulation in this country. They're a nuisance. I have 50 of them sitting on my desk in piles of 10, but I don't know what to do with them. If I take them to a store to buy something, the cashier will look at me funny and not want to count them. I think nickels or dimes should be the smallest denomination. The way to do this is if retailers include the tax in their prices and set them to the nearest nickel or dime.

I will be VERY happy to see the end of the 99c (or $99) pricing phenomenon. It's annoying for something to be advertised as $4.99. I know the one penny difference has a huge psychological impact in how expensive we think the product is, but if EVERYONE uses the 99 pricing tactic, then it doesn't make a difference. For some reason a new version of Martin Luther King's speech popped into my head:
"I have a dream... that one day, little nine-nines will become little o-o's..."

It might happen in my lifetime. Especially with inflation making the penny more and more worthless. Even beggars don't want pennies.

I was waiting for a bus on 34th Street. The person standing next to me asked me what book I was reading, for I had one tucked under my arm. I showed him the cover.
"Ishmael," he read. "Is that a Bible book?"
"No," I answered. "It's about a gorilla."

I just wrote a sentence where the word "and" appears 9 times. I think that's a record for me. I'd break it down, but I was summarizing what an author wrote about international negotiations. Let's see if I change it when I redraft the document.

It's been a long time since I clicked my fingers and heard the sound. It seems to sound different than what I remember. Do people's fingers/skin change over time to cause a different sound? Does our hearing change? Does our memory of the sound change? It's interesting what happens when I'm in the midst of writing a paper... where my mind goes, what I start doing.

Something rather interesting is happening in my life, and I wonder if anyone else is experiencing or has experienced something similar.

Some entity that has been part of my life has gone into a coma. I've been used to it being around, but it's not any more. There are small reminders of what is no longer there - as in the case of being able to see someone in coma, but not interact as you did before.

I am more or less an observer now. I can see the entity laying there, but I cannot bring it to wake up. I can't get doctors or other people to change anything. It is out of my control, except the only thing I can do is pull the plug and let the comatose entity die. Should I do that? If I do I can let go, pick myself up and move on. If I don't, maybe it can wake up and thrive again.

I should know better than to think that there is a should. But where does that leave me? Waiting. Waiting for Godot.

Today while I was waiting for a bus I was splashed with grey slush from the street. A taxi zoomed along the bus lane and sent slush flying at me. Even though I jumped back a little bit, it hit me as high as my chest. Interestingly, I wasn't angry. Why? I was wearing black pants that were going to be washed soon anyway, and I was wearing my cheap grey puffy jacket from Hong Kong. If I was wearing my wool and cashmere coat from London, then my reaction may have been completely different. I know not to stand too close to the street when there's slush on it.

I consider myself a person who is capable of much self-restraint. I've never been addicted to anything, and I can savor a chocolate bar for over a week or so, eating one piece at a time.

I bought a can of Pringles to test whether "once you pop you can't stop" is really true. I found my weakness. It's REALLY hard to eat just one. I don't know what other snack food out there is like that. They should be banned as an addictive substance. I think I still have higher self-restraint than normal though. The Pringles have lasted 8 days, and I've been having some nearly every day. I think there are people who finish the whole can in one or two sittings.

I'm not a snack-food junkie, by the way.

If everyone in the United States bought the most efficient vehicle in the class they'd ordinarily buy, the total savings would be 1.47 billion gallons of gasoline every year.
- Earth Day Network, 4.28.04

Have you ever leant your mouthguard to someone?

When you get really experienced and good at something, you learn less while you're engaged in it. Is it then time to move on? Or should we stick with it and strive towards perfection? Would things start to get mundane after a while if there are no new challenges, or no new concepts/techniques to incorporate? I enjoy learning and seeing myself improve, but at the same time, it's nice to have some mastery. In my case, I think I'll try to find a happy medium. For some, they know it's their destiny and so they devote themselves fully to it. For others, they like to dabble, so they won't be so committed in the first place.

"To teach is to learn twice."
- Joseph Joubert

Under everything, people want to be heard, understood and appreciated.

I turned 24 last month. Every now and then I think I'm starting to look older, that I'm ageing. But then someone conveys that I could pass as a 16 or 18 year old. Being told I look younger than I was used to bother me when I was younger. But society has become very youth-obsessed, so now I view looking young as an asset.

Why do I look young? I think it's mostly due to genetics. My parents look young for their age. They haven't had plastic surgery, botox, hair transplants, etc.

Mentoring
Where did the practice of mentoring come from? The answer is Greece - too much came from the Greeks if you ask me. In Homer's Odyssey, Odysseus left his son Telemachus in the care of his friend, Mentor, when we set off for a journey (or war, I'm not sure). Thus, today mentors don't teach, but they try to substitute what a parent would do.

Interviewing
A 22 year old Princeton graduate was asked at a job interview what his strengths were. He rattled off a few. Then, the interviewer asked what his weaknesses were. The guy answered, "Kryptonite". Isn't that nuts?! Some people are really full of themselves. The interviewer told the kid to get out of his office. Other interviewers may like something cute and different like that. I think a good answer for someone young is "I don't know, but I want to find out" - since in this culture people are always going on about what they know and not what they don't know. However, many interviewers would probably find that answer weak. The answer I'd give is "I lack experience" (which is true). It's a strategic answer, we're not expected to tell the truth. We're encouraged to find a way to allow the interviewer to see the weakness in a positive way (so in my case, it's eagerness to learn and get experience).

I discovered a small spider in a small web inside one of my shoes.

It's interesting to think about how we have to pay rent while insects don't. To start with humans didn't have to pay rent. In many places in the world there are people who don't - ascetics, squatters, nomadic people, slum dwellers.

What has become so different about our lives? We've concocted such elaborate games for ourselves.

I've left the spider there. I'll evict it tomorrow.

When you're an intern and someone in the company says that they keep hearing your name everywhere, and that they think that one day you'll be running the place, how are you supposed to react?

My response -
"Wow, that's nice to hear"... then I asked about the art on the walls of her office.

I'm holding off asking whether or not the're thinking about giving me a job offer.

A year has come and gone since you passed

A quarter of me comes from you
I don't think I ever thanked you for that

You surprised people by holding on for so many years
I can't imagine how you did it
What endurance

You were dreaming the last time I saw you
I remember the last thing I said to you
"Bye Dada, enjoy your sleep"

Ripples you made continue to travel around

Yesterday at a meeting myself and a few others were planning an event. I suggested that we could "kill three birds with one stone" (i.e. meet three objectives by having it a certain way). Immediately after I said that I felt bad. In spite of people agreeing that that was how we should hold the event, I felt bad about the idea of killing birds. I don't know if there were any vegetarians in the room, but I don't think they would have liked it. Is mentioning killing birds bad karma? I think there should be a more politically correct and culturally sensitive cliche to describe achieving multiple goals with one action/strategy. Perhaps there are and they just aren't coming to me right now...

I've been wondering where all my free time has gone. The search was different than for a lost physical possession. I contemplated what I do in a typical week and started jotting down the main activities. I estimated the number of hours I spend doing each activity. I started deducting the times from 168 (which is the number of hours in a week) and was able to really see where my time goes. While it was an amusing exercise, simultaneously it was sad to see that I have no time for leisure.

Burnt sponge smells like popcorn. Why?

Following the advice of others, I've been sterilizing my kitchen sponge in the microwave. However this time it was rather dry before I put it in. I think that's why it started smelling smoky-popcorny in my kitchen.

Today I became certified for adult CPR by the American Heart Association. In spite of what they told me about no one ever being arrested and convicted for doing damage by trying to help (because of the Good Samaritan Law), my doubts about getting into trouble aren't alleviated - especially in light of how much people in this country love lawsuits. I'm sure though that if the time comes for me to use my CPR knowledge, I won't be thinking about legal ramifications and I'll be focused on helping the person who's unconscious or choking...

By the way, the number one food that adults choke on is red meat. Grapes are pretty bad too in this respect, but more so for children.

Have you experienced the true hungriness of hunger?

After being hungry for some time, you're supposed to stop feeling hungry (even if you don't eat). Today, it seemed like that feeling wouldn't go away.

Some people take up too much physical space.

I don't think I'm one of these people - I'm not overweight. I don't mind tall people taking up more space, because by nature they should have a bigger frame than shorter people. But, for some reason, it gets on my nerves when there are people shorter than me that are very round that wear thick jackets and take up too much space on the subway or the sidewalk. Part of the agitation stems from there being less space for me. A lot of times on my commute I can't hold a handle in the subway because there isn't one I can reach (which isn't entirely bad, since I get to practice and improve my balance). But, I also feel that these people shouldn't be so overweight, they shouldn't be taking up so much space. I guess it gets on my nerves that they aren't taking care of their health and are also probably patrons of the fast-food industry. Another reason for my feelings might be because I grew up in South-East Asia - people on average aren't as tall there and they don't have a tendency to put on much weight.

What does it mean when your department is on the top floor of the office building? Does it mean that it's among the most important or valued departments? Does physically being above others mean or represent that you are valued more than them?

One perk of being on this floor is that it has the best view. However, the flipside is that it's the furthest away from the company cafeteria (2nd floor), and it takes the longest to get to and from this floor (since people keep getting on from and off onto other floors).

FINALLY!!! There's one thing in this country that I have a one-up on over US citizens! I pay hardly any taxes on what I make at my internship.

You know you're busy when Jan 16 is the day you finish opening Christmas cards.

In response to the US government fingerprinting and photographing all visitors from other countries that enter the US, the Brazilian government has decreed that all Americans visiting Brazil be fingerprinted and photographed (and their travel be delayed for hours).

It's refreshing to see that people don't lose their childishness completely, even when they grow up and work in governments.

FYI it took me just about 2 hours to get out of JFK last week, largely because of the 400+ foreigners in line for immigration in front of me.

It is well known in the realm of psychology that extrinsic rewards undermine intrinsic motivation. I am in the peculiar situation of having a paid internship, which provides extrinsic rewards ($), which is supposed to reduce my intrinsic motivation, but also having the extrinsic rewards reduced. I have to pay my college to receive academic credit for this internship, as that was the only way to get work authorization in time.

Reduced intrinsic and extrinsic rewards... what a predicament. I'll still pursue it though. If life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

ya sei

15 days of blog silence for the approximately 150,000 killed.

Events like that really change our perspective, not to mention the Earth's rotation.