Have you ever been told that you're like one of those mechanical horses at the amusement parks that take quarters?

"Your application is incomplete because your missing your TOEFL test score and a second letter of reference."
[the contents of an email I received from a certain university this morning]

The app was due over 3 months ago... and I'm only getting this now!? And why would I need to take the TOEFL (Test Of English as a Forgeign Language)? I may be an international student, but English is my first language! In fact, whoever wrote this CLEARLY needs to take it since it should read: "because YOU ARE missing your..."

If you had all of your physical/material needs and desires met would you be satisfied?

Your answer would be "yes" if you didn't have any spirit. There are limits of physical desires, they aren't a full reflection of human capacity. Spirit is about transcending desire. It is a want for something more, for something that is not expressable in terms of satisfying desires. Spirit is a perpetual challenge, and if we understand the challenge, then we understand the need for education.

Do I do a lot for the dorm because I'm diligent and caring, or cuz I'm a big sucker? I wonder who else at Duke has worked on 6 annual review reports for their living group.... (they're submitted biannually).

I think it's very rare for someone to reach my age without having found a hairstyle that they like.

Tonight was my last official tae kwon do practice at Duke. Kinda sentimental. It was also the first time this year I got a "if I don't see you again, take care and all the best for the future" spiel. I have a feeling I'll be getting/giving a lot of these. They're rather depressing.

I'm losing the beard tonight. I haven't shaved since mid-December, although I trim a bit now and then with a clipper so it's not huge. I liked not having to shave. I think shaving, whether it be legs, face is essentially for other people (providing you're skin doesn't get irritated by stubble). Why am I shaving now? Few reasons. The main reason is that pretty soon I'll be taking lots of pics in a cap and gown... and I think these pics will go to lots of my relatives and will be preserved really well. So... do I want this beard of mine immortalized? There are a couple other reasons too. Look out for a post on my thoughts after having shaved.

There is this soup called "Italian Wedding" and I had it with my dinner tonight. I've never had it before. It's made with chicken broth, small round pasta balls (I don't know what they're called), spinach and sausage. It was quite nice. I don't get why it has its name. Is it a traditional soup they serve at the weddings, or is there symbolism of a marriage within the soup? Assuming it's the latter, here's the scheme I came up with:

The sausage represents the male (no explanation necessary).
The spinach is the female, since it's soft, flowing and better looking than the sausage (I apologize that I'm appealing to gender stereotypes, but there's no other way).
The tons of little pasta balls are the guests at the wedding, since there are so many and don't really contribute to the flavor of the soup (at a wedding the guests aren't essential for the marriage to be valid).
The final piece is the person that unites the couple... which could be the broth, since it is intermingled with everything in the soup... or it could be me, since I ate the soup and everything is united inside my stomach.

Btw I'm assuming this is a heterosexual marriage. The vegetarian version (with vegetable broth and NO sausage) would be called "Lesbian wedding." The spinach can be removed for an all-meat soup for a guy-guy wedding.

Fish cough.

Today's subject is death, which is often considered taboo. I'll try to treat the subject in a mature fashion, I'm sorry if I'm offending or belittling anyone.

Why is it that in death eveyone suddenly becomes a wonderful person? After death everyone seems to shower the deceased person with praise. I'm bringing this up today because the first heading in today's Chronicle (the student newspaper here) was "Beloved professor loses cancer battle"... without even reading the article I wondered why have I never seen "%$#@ing bastard professor loses cancer battle" or a similar heading. I read half the article and yeah, this professor was a good person... but I just wondered why there are no negative or neutral things written about the deceased.

Unless they were evil, it's inappropriate to slander someone who died. Is it because it's inappropriate to slander someone when they cannot defend themselves? Is it just a poor taste mentality? I suppose that people that aren't "beloved" don't get articles written about them... perhaps that's why it's very rare to see articles that aren't positive.

Last semester a girl who lived in my dorm, Maggie Schneider, died. She was in a bad traffic accident and died in hospital a day or so later. I didn't know her too well, but her friends in the dorm wanted me to be one to deliver a eulogy at her memorial service (since I've been the dorm president all year). I was one of the few people who spoke at the service. I tried to be sincere and objective. I talked about the aspects of her character that stood out, and why people in the dorm liked her. I wanted to say something nice and positive. I guess saying/hearing/reading nice things is helpful for coping with the bereavement. One thing that I remember about speaking at the chapel that day was that Maggie's mother, who was sitting in the front row, had this really strained smile the entire time I was talking. It was nice for her to hear how her daughter had an impact on other people.

I forgot to acknowledge the 1 year anniversary of my blog on April 5th. My very first post (which you can still see in the archives) was:
"Don't apply a band aid to a festering wound that will only heal with deeper cleaning and some carefully placed sutures."

I wonder about the frame of mind I was in when I posted that. Was it a mentality that I applied to myself at that point, something that came up in a psychology class, or just something nice I heard/read/thought? Whatever the answer is, it doesn't matter at this point. I like this blog because it's a chronicle of interesting stuff I've come across or thought about over the past year. It's a window you can look through to see who I am. People often shift who they are from year to year... but what they put in writing endures. You can tell a lot about a person by what they write. This blog might give clues for the answer to the elusive question: "who are you?" When asked that question, people will usually reply by saying what they do (e.g. I am a student), or what they are interested in (e.g. I am a martial artist), or who they are in relation to other people (e.g. I am a son, a brother, etc)... but they never really get to the root of what the question is asking.

My mailbox is a very important thing to me right now. I check it nearly every day (cuz I'm expecting to hear back from grad schools at any time). Today I opened the box and was supremely delighted, almost ecstatic, because I saw a big envelope in it! I thought it was the acceptance package from Columbia! I was ready to yell out a huge "YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAH!!!!" But alas, it was some annoying thing from Duke... the "senior survey" and Baccalaureate service ticket info.

I am amazed by how much power a little box has over me, how it can alter my mood so much, and how I'm drawn to it just about every day.

Everclear should be renamed "Evilclear" or something like that. It's really toxic stuff. It's 90% alcohol and made from corn. It's really strong, and in punch you can't really taste it (I was convinced that the funny taste was just the artificial coloring/flavoring). If you've had a bit to drink, then you really can't taste it. It's also evil because it gives you a hangover... not necessarily cuz you end up drinking a lot, but because it has some not-so-nice ingredients. Other stuff, good stuff, doesn't give you one. Everclear is definitely an "evil" drink... along with Mad Dog. If you don't know what Mad Dog is, don't worry. It means you're not ghetto.

Plato thought play-acting was bad and had no place in the education of the Guardians of society. He thought that if you take on roles, the roles will take over you and will have an impact on your soul. Absorption of fictional accounts can dull your judgement, lead to self-deception and encourage emulation of undesirable things. I wonder what my drama teacher thinks about this. I wonder if the acting I do has a negative impact on me. If anything, I think it's very positive.

A chef's hat has 100 folds to signify that they can prepare an egg 100 different ways.

If you're going to sleep through a lecture why bother going in the first place? If you don't want to be there, then why be there? You should always do what you want to do, or else you are wasting your time. If you're going to attend the lecture, then have the decency to pay the minimum amount of respect to the prof/lecturer and stay awake.

I was catching a bus to go to class on East campus and I passed a guy from my drama class who said, "what's up Rosh, you stud?" When I got to East and walked to class, my philosophy professor came and walked beside me and said, "how's it going, son?"

While it is cool to be referred to as a "stud" and endearing that a professor calls you "son"... these terms didn't feel quite right. The guy that called me a "stud" is a big football player, so it was kind of a joke, or just meant to really catch my attention... this is the kind of spirit we're supposed to foster in our drama class - to be awake/alive all the time. Secondly, even though I've taken multiple classes with this philosophy professor, I always go to class, and he likes my work and contribution to the class... him calling me "son" is just weird. We're so different, how can we have such a close connection? Maybe we do, I don't know.

And a random side note... at some point on my little trip to class, I got some birdshit on my thigh. Hmm... I wonder what this all means... "stud," "son" and birdshit...

My bank in the US gives me 0.25% APR. That's absolutely ridiculous. That's like NOTHING. It's a big joke... Why do they even bother giving me any at all?

Fishbowls with cute little fishies, glass beads at the bottom and a stargazer lilly floating on the top make GREAT centerpieces for dinner tables at a formal occasion. They're cooler than flowers to look at. I don't think they'd work so well at a Chinese banquet though, cuz they'll have to be at the center of the revolving circular glass... and I know they don't like being swooshed around. I think I severely traumatized the fish in our centerpiece when we brought them back from the dinner. I wonder how they took riding in the car. When I put them down on a table after the ride they were going crazy...

My unconscious is driven by peace, as opposed to curiosity, imagination, kindness, love, resistance, self-protection and sexuality. An inkblot test requiring waaaaaay too many responses told me that. The test seems to assume that these are the only 8 things that our unconscious can be driven by. I wonder if we can be equally influenced by more than one drive.

SARS is really worrisome. Where I am (NC, USA) people don't know much about it. I guess they'll start caring more once Americans start dying. Till then the war will dominate the news.

CNN sucks. I couldn't find anything about SARS in 2 minutes of searching for it. Although if I wanted to find out about the war, I could have probably accessed 50,000 articles/links about it in that time. BBC is better I think........ I mean............ holy s%*& just check this out!

I went to blogspot and thought about what to post on my blog today. I've been thinking about it for some time now, and I've decided not to post anything.

April Fools! (This is, of course, a real post)